What a strange feeling. How to sum up what you're thinking on your last day in the States before traveling to China to meet your new son? Terrifying. Exhausting. So excited! Teary about everything. So. Much. To. Do.
So, I'm just taking a second to reflect. One year ago today, literally, on March 3rd, 2015 my husband was having his normal quiet time when he says he felt gut-punched by this in John 21: "Jesus said, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?' He answered, ‘Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.' Jesus said, ‘Take care of my sheep.'" Nathan said it was like he'd never read it before. Like God just leveled him and said, "Nathan, if you love me, take care of my sheep." He got up and told me we needed to look at adoption right now.
Let me back up a bit. I've been doing this ministry of speaking and music for about 10 years now. Almost from the beginning we have partnered with different groups advocating for children in need. Children in poverty. Children in trafficking. Orphans. God has placed that burden on both of our hearts, and Nathan and I have had some incredible opportunities to travel around the world and see how these kids are really living. We've seen what needs to be done and what can happen when Jesus' people step out in faith and love people radically, not just with words, but with actions and in truth (1 John 3:18).
My heart's been open for a long time to adoption, but Nathan wasn't there, and I knew we needed to be in agreement. We worked to get kids sponsored and sponsor a lot of kids ourselves. Then, in November of 2014, we went to Nicaragua with Compassion and when we came home, Nathan said, "I think it's time we talked about adoption seriously."
Then I was the one with cold feet. What, now? Our kids were 16, 13, and 10. Our life was busy but frankly easier. The kids are very independent. We love our time with them and are very close. What if we mess this up? Why mess with a good thing? Let's be real – I was afraid.
2 Tim. 1:7 "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."
I told Nathan...