Noah put the angel on top of his first Christmas tree

One of the Christmas events at Church of the Open Door in PA

One of the worship services at Church of the Open Door in PA

Soundchecking at Broadway Covenant in IL

Finalizing Noah’s US adoption!

Another sort of mish-mash post. I realized I forgot to blog an entire weekend of ministry, and we’ve had some fun stuff with the kiddos too.

First, we started the month really well with an awesome cardiology visit for Noah! As many of you know, he had some pretty serious complications after his open heart surgery, but he’s been steadily improving, and this time they gave him the all-clear for six months! The difference in him is simply amazing since the surgery! When we first met him (you can read about there here), he was very sick. He would turn blue with any kind of exertion, and when we brought him home, he would have to rest holding onto the handrail halfway up our stairs before he could finish climbing the flight to get up to bed. To see him now is to see a miracle! He even did a walk/run event at school and he went 5.5 MILES! It’s truly amazing, and it’s so fun to watch him realize that he doesn’t have those same limits that he’s lived his whole life with anymore. We are so grateful!

We also decorated for Christmas which was a first for Noah. It’s been fun for all of us to explain what Christmas is (and what it isn’t! Shout out, Santa!) and to be reminded ourselves of all those truths. Noah got to put the angel on the top of the tree. My favorite quote from him as we were putting all the decorations up was, “Hmm, so Americans just put these big socks on the fireplace for Christmas? Okaaayy.” Pretty funny!

I had a great weekend of ministry in Pennsylvania at the Church of the Open Door the first weekend of December. It was great to be with this church – I had done their women’s retreat a couple of years ago, but that was at a camp, so I’d never actually been to their church building. It was so fun to reconnect with some of the ladies from the retreat, and we loved working with Sally the women’s director, and also getting to stay with Lorraine, the women’s retreat director – she and her husband were so lovely to us! The church has done a Christmas outreach event for years for their women, and it’s become so popular that they kept selling out, so this year they had identical events on Friday night and Saturday morning instead. I think it was a great success for them – they were able to get many more people in that way, and while I know they were so tired afterwards, we heard from many women who met the Lord at the events! On Sunday I stayed and did special music on their services as well. I love the heart for people at this church. They really value reaching out and loving on people!

I got home from that event, and then flew out the next day to Chicago and then onto Freeport. I did another Christmas event for the women at Broadway Covenant. This was a little bitter sweet for me. I love the people at Broadway – I was there last spring, and they were just so lovely and warm. But this is where Donna is from (my former assistant who passed away this fall) and we were there together last time. Her best friend, Kim, came to the event, and Donna’s husband, Larry, happened to be in town visiting family and surprised me by coming too! It was so good to see them, but we were all remembering Donna, and it was an emotional evening for me. God is good, and I think the message was really used by Him for the women at the event, and also for Larry and Kim and for me. He is such a comforter.

And also in family news, we have finally completed Noah’s readoption under US law! In our state, they make you wait until the child has been home for 6 months, so we started the process in the late fall. It’s not strictly necessary since the US recognizes our Chinese adoption, but it’s one more layer of protection for Noah, and it also allows him to get a US issued birth certificate. This is just so much easier for his future life, because his birth certificate from China is a four page book in Chinese, and doesn’t look anything like an American birth certificate. If he lost it, he’d have to physically go back to China to try to get a replacement, and I just couldn’t see that birth certificate being the easiest way to get a driver’s license or to register to vote, etc. So now, all we have left is to wait for it to be registered and get that boy a passport, and we are officially done!! And then, as Noah says, “You can do it all again for Long Ning, mom!” He’s so fun. 🙂

Our new son’s agency pictures – his advocacy name is Carter but we still haven’t chosen a name

A more recent photo

The Chinese Lantern Festival in Columbus

Part of learning the culture – dumpling making party! Everyone helped!

It’s hard for me to believe that it was just about two years ago now that Nathan and I started talking seriously about adoption. At the beginning of our search, we were really open to going anywhere in the world. We were just praying. The one thing we both felt, though, was that we wanted to adopt older kids who would have difficulty being placed.

At first we were looking for a sibling pair. We felt it would be easier not to be the only child in your family who was adopted or a different ethnicity. We were actually looking for a healthy, older sibling pair in Uganda when I first saw Noah’s posting. That’s a beautiful story that you can read here, but the end of it was that we switched from looking for a healthy, older sibling pair in Africa, and instead adopted a very sick, single boy from Asia.

From the moment we decided to pursue Noah, we both felt he was not going to be the only one. Again, we feel like it would be very hard to be the only adopted kid in your family and we also had already prepared our hearts for more than one child. With Noah’s heart situation and all the unknowns about his health and future, it wasn’t practical to think about adopting two at once. But I knew that if his heart was still operable, we’d be moving forward fairly soon.

There are some real advantages to moving on to another adoption within a year as you can reuse some of your paperwork and update your homestudy rather than doing an entirely new one. So after Noah’s heart surgery, I started looking again on the boards that list waiting children. These are the special needs kids and the older kids – the ones who have a hard time getting placed. One major difference for us this time was that we knew we were going back to China. I thought culture would be a huge issue for us since Noah was older, and I was right! Noah misses his food, his TV shows, his holidays, and we have learned a ton about Chinese culture. I feel very strongly that he should get to keep that – he has had an incredible amount of loss in his life. So I’ve learned to make a lot of Chinese food, we’ve celebrated Chinese holidays, and I’ve learned to navigate a lot of Chinese websites. We can do this with two cultures, but I just didn’t think I could manage to do justice to three. So unless God told us otherwise, we planned to go back to China.

There’s a Facebook page where people advocate for waiting children in China. I am on it and it moves really fast, meaning that if you see a posting, it may be pushed so far down the page an hour later that you can’t really find it again. Some of the kids show up over and over again as their advocates work hard to find them a family, and some appear once and then are gone.

One day I was on Facebook and I saw a posting for a little boy whose agency name was Carter. I really couldn’t believe what a perfect fit he looked like for us. He was two years younger than Noah so he fit in birth order, he likes the same things the boys like, and he was just adorable! I clicked on his video link, praying even as I did so. There’s always that thought: we want the child God wants us to have, but Lord, you will have to help me recognize him! There are so many kids waiting. How will we know which one God means for our family?!

Well, as I was praying that very thing and his video came up, I noticed something immediately. He was wearing a name tag that said “Carter” but it also said his Chinese name. Chinese names have three parts usually, and this boy shared two names with Noah. I could hardly believe it! What are the chances?! It was like God was giving me a confirmation right there. Noah’s Chinese name means “precious dragon” and this boy’s name means “serene dragon” or “peaceful dragon.” His last name was the same as Noah’s first – “precious.” His personality in the video was just amazing – such a perfect fit for our family.

He was waiting because he was older and had had physical delays as a baby. I have no idea why, but his orphanage never did his paperwork, so he didn’t even have a chance to be matched until he was 7, making him an older boy which is one of the hardest matches there is. Well, we fell in love, but he was with another agency. I decided to send an email just in case, but we never thought we’d hear anything. He disappeared from that board in about 10 minutes and I never saw him again.

Fast forward two months. We had not seen any children we felt fit with our family well considering ages and needs, and we had just decided to tell our agency what we were looking for and leave it in God’s hands. If it happened, it happened, and if not, we would wait until we got Rinnah settled in college (she leaves fall of 2017) and then try again. I even said to Nathan, “We should just stay with our agency because of the paperwork. Unless by some miracle we heard about that boy Carter, but I’m sure he’s matched by now.” The next day I got an email. Another family had been matched with Carter, but they had had a family emergency and couldn’t proceed. Carter’s agency had several interested families, but they thought ours was the perfect fit. Were we still interested? We had 24 hours to decide.

My goodness, that was crazy! We made an emergency call to our pediatrician to try to have someone look over his medical report. We asked for one more day, and they gave it to us. We prayed hard and decided that even though the paperwork was going to be overwhelming yet again, this was our boy. We submitted our letter of intent to China for him, and after 4 long weeks, we got the official pre-approval!

So, now we are in process again. We’ve almost completed our home study update, but it was complicated by the fact that Rinnah turned 18 this fall, so she now has to be treated as an adult in our home and get all the background clearances, etc, too (lucky girl!). Our next step will be to apply to the US government for permission to adopt from overseas again. There are many other steps after that, but we hope to keep things moving and be traveling to get him in the summer. Even though his hometown and Noah’s home town are 1200 miles apart, they speak the same dialect which is amazing, and it will be so different to have a built in translator this time in Noah!

We don’t know what American name we will give him. We like Carter, but all our other kids have Biblical names with big meanings so we may need to go another route. With Noah, we gave him his American name and kept his Chinese name as his middle name so he could choose. These kids have lost so much, we didn’t want him to have to lose his name too! Noah chose to go by his American name because he likes it and because he realized no one except our Chinese friends can say his name correctly here. We will give “Carter” an American name too and keep his Chinese name and let him choose.

Everyone is asking if we’ll all go again, and the answer is, we have no idea. 🙂 It depends on what time of year we get permission to travel and how expensive the tickets are, etc. With Noah, it was the most amazing blessing to have us all there to bond, but his province required us to be in country for 3 weeks. We didn’t want to leave our other kids that long, and we wanted them to know their new brother’s culture. “Carter’s” province only requires a 9 day stay (praise God!) which will save us so much money, and makes it possible to think about both bringing the kids and leaving them here. So we don’t know, but we’d love your prayers for wisdom! Noah will almost certainly come, though, because he is longing to see China again (and eat the food!!!!) and because he can translate for us which will help “Carter’s” fear tremendously I would think.

Back when we were in the hospital with Noah, he said to me, “Our van has eight seats, mom, and we only have six people in our family.” And I said, “That’s true, hon.” And he said, “There are so many more kids in China who need families.” Oh, my heart! When we asked Noah what he would tell his new brother when they met, he said, “I will tell him this family is crazy and funny and very good and he shouldn’t be afraid because we are good. And I will tell him the food is good too.” That about sums it up for a boy, I guess!

Number One Album on Itunes!!

The video for my Christmas song, Christmas is Forever, won a bunch of awards

Leading worship with the team at St. Luke’s

The funky mid-century modern sanctuary at First Christian

Victorian charm at Zaharakos

Okay, this is a little hard to see in the picture, but it’s hilarious! Or awesome. Or whatever! Look who beat Drake, Adele, Justin Bieber, One Direction, and R. Kelly to become the #1 album on itunes!! In Gambia, that is. Woot! Who knew my Scripture songs would give Adele a run for her money? And yes, this is for real. My Scripture Memory Songs for Kids and Families album was the number one album on itunes last week in Gambia. 🙂 Pretty much made my day, even though I have no idea what happened there. But on a serious note, how fun is it that my Scripture Memory Songs album would be the number one album in a country that is officially named The Islamic Republic of Gambia? It’s always fun to think about what God might be up to…

Speaking of fun, here’s another fun thing! Tyler Adams who also happens to be my publicist’s son made my Christmas song “Christmas Is Forever” into a new music video and it won a ton of awards! I’m so happy for him! Thanks for doing my song proud, Tyler, it was great fun working with you!

I also have had a few really cool events lately. I went and guest led worship at a church here in Columbus that holds a special place in my heart, St. Luke’s. I’ve done several events for them and just love their heart for the Lord. Their music director, Aaron, was traveling and asked me to take the weekend for him. Had a great time working with their team, and it’s always special to be back with them!

Then this past weekend I went to the mid-century modern Columbus – Columbus, Indiana, that is. It’s a small town, but they are very famous for their architecture, and it was fascinating driving around. The church I was with, First Christian, is reported to be the first architecturally modern church in America. It’s gorgeous! We had a wonderful time with them as well, and I did a concert on Friday night, a women’s retreat called “U-Turn: Trusting God When Life Changes Direction” on Saturday, and then did the worship and special music for their services on Sunday. Their women’s director was fantastic to work with, and I so enjoyed my time with them! And while we were there, we went back to the place I found the last time I was here – a truly classic ice cream shop from the 1890’s called Zaharakos. What a fun town! MY Columbus (OH) still has my loyalty, but I’m happy to visit this one anytime!

Cherri’s worship team and me

Teaching the life of Peter

Chris on the dunes with Lake Michigan behind her

The desert-looking side – those little dots are people walking across it!

Last weekend I had the special joy of heading back up to Grace Adventures Camp in Michigan. This is my third time there, and their team is just a joy to work with! To make it even more interesting, I brought Chris Hogan up from Charlotte to help me that weekend. Chris started working as my new ministry assistant earlier in the summer, and we’ve had lots of phone calls and emails, but this was actually the first time I met her in person! So it was super fun to get to know her better.

I spoke on the life of Peter and on getting “Out of the Boat” with our faith. One thing I’ve always loved about being at this particular camp is the atmosphere the camp staff create. They are a wonderful combination of servant leadership, genuine faith, and fun! Cherri Bornman was leading worship with her group, and I worked with them last time. They are wonderful and also super humble and fun and approachable, so I was thrilled to be on the weekend with them again! And, as always, we had wonderful talks with so many women during meals and breaks during the weekend!

Chris and I also headed up to see the dunes, and they were just spectacular. I had seen them from below and I got that they are amazing and huge (think multiple stories high kind of dunes) but I guess I’ve never climbed to the top of them. We did this time and it was like entering another world! To the one side was Lake Michigan, and to the other it was so vast it really looked like the Sahara. You can’t really get a picture that does it justice! People are driving huge dune buggies all over it. It’s just a one-of-a-kind experience.

So happy to be back, and so happy to have the time with Chris!

Homemade birthday cake just for him – he picked chocolate!

Opening presents from his friends

Making a wish

Opening one of the first nine

Geronimo Stilton in Chinese – one of his favorites!

Some days are meant to be happy, and this one was! But it was also a reminder of a lot of loss. So goes the weird mix of happy and sad that have become such a regular part of our lives with adoption.

We celebrated Noah’s first birthday with us, but it was his 10th birthday. We’re so happy he’s here, but you can’t help thinking that there were 9 birthdays when he wasn’t. Nine birthdays when he didn’t have a family. About a month ago I said something to him about what he wanted for his birthday, and he said, “I will have presents?” “Yes, of course.” And then, a statement from his mouth that he thought nothing of but it revealed worlds to me, “I never had presents on my birthday.”

Oh, baby boy. He would hate to know I felt such sorrow for that because he doesn’t want us to think he needs or wants pity. He is strong. He is fine. He has learned to be accepting of how things are because that is the best way to survive, and no presents on your birthday is just the way it is. Or just the way it was.

After that conversation about presents, Noah started getting really tense about his birthday. We are big into traditions in our family, so I had told him that on your birthday, you get to pick what’s for dinner. Everyone will make you a card, and you will get gifts. He wanted to know if he would have a party, and I said, yes, you can have a friend party on the weekend before or after, but we will do “family birthday dinner” on your actual birthday. Having your party on a different day was not weird, and it would still be fun – this was a big point for him. Would other people think it was okay if it wasn’t on the EXACT DAY?!

He asked me question after question, many times asking the same question over and over. “Will my siblings get me a present?” “Yes, everyone in the family will.” “Okay, will Rachel?” “Yes, everyone in the family will.” “Will Toby?” “Yes, everyone in the family will.” “Will you?”

As it went on, I realized that this was coming from both fear and hope. He had never had a birthday celebrated, and suddenly we were offering him the dream – a party, presents, people celebrating you, and he just couldn’t believe it, but he wanted it so badly! He was really keyed up over the whole thing. We had his friend party the weekend before with six boys from his class, and he had so much riding on it emotionally that I was getting nervous! It wasn’t even that it had to be that great, it just had to happen the way we said it would and not be a disaster. As I’ve noticed before, he has obviously had promises broken to him in the past, and he doesn’t always believe what we say will actually happen. Every time something happens the way we say it will, I watch him trust us more. The party was no exception, and the day after the party was so interesting to me – he was so much calmer and several times that day he just spontaneously hugged me which is not all that common. I could tell that we had not let him down, and suddenly he was much more hopeful that the family night would also be good, and would be what we said it would be.

We decided to give Noah 9 presents for the years he wasn’t with us. We wanted to acknowledge that time and that loss in a positive way. But here’s the tough part. We try so hard to teach our kids that it’s not about the presents and the “stuff.” Many kids coming home in the US are told that we are all rich and your family is good for buying you things. I didn’t want his birthday to send that message! But I also want him to know that he is a valued and equal member of our family, and that we love him, and show him with thoughtful gifts. We want him to know that it’s fun to have a birthday!

So for those nine presents I got things that I knew he would recognize as being thoughtful and for him in particular, but they weren’t expensive at all. He loves things that hang off his backpack and he loves Minecraft and Star Wars and Lego, so I got him a couple of Lego Minecraft and Star Wars figure keychains for his backpack. We got him a few Tom and Jerry books in Chinese because he thinks those are hilarious. We got him good winter gloves so he could make his first snowman (he’s so excited about that!). And for his “big” present for his 10th birthday, we got a family game to play together because he absolutely loves playing board games as a family.

All of his siblings made him handmade cards that had inside jokes and sweet things just about him. They got him things that he had mentioned wanting to do together. They were so thoughtful, and I was so proud of them. He had chosen to go to a Chinese restaurant for his dinner, and as we were walking out, he ran up between Rinnah and I and grabbed both our hands and leaned his head into my shoulder. He sighed and said, “Thanks, mom.”

It’s a big thing to send the message that you love someone, that they are valuable, and that you are trustworthy all in one day. I don’t think of myself as being particularly good at being thoughtful, but I realize with Noah it’s very important – he needs to know that we took time for him, and thought and effort. We need to make up for some lost time and the holes he has in his heart. I thank God for helping us do it, and I thank God for Noah.

The sky we were all used to in China.

Our first dinner together.

Apartment buildings.

Our lunch at the orphanage – whole fish, rice, congee, shredded spicy potato, greens, and steamed buns.

A shopping district.

Getting more comfortable all the time at home.

It’s a very interesting and thought-provoking thing to suddenly be raising a child who is from another culture. Until just a few months ago, Noah had never been outside of China, and with the exception of traveling to Beijing for his surgery as a toddler, outside of his home town. He’d never seen a Caucasian person in person except the adoption workers. He’d never eaten any food except Chinese food. He’d never heard any language but Chinese. Even when we traveled to other parts of China and he heard new dialects or accents for the first time, it was startling for him. So you can imagine how vast the change is for him here.

Here, he comments constantly on the sky (we can see clouds and the sun because it’s clean). He comments on the suburban houses (he’d only ever lived in a high-rise apartment building, and everyone he knew lived in one too). He thought our backyard was a park (he never knew people could own an outdoor space). He comments on the food (he wishes, wishes, WISHES I could make homemade dumplings!). Some of his observations are good and some are bad. There are things he loves about the U.S., and things that he misses about China. This could be the most amazing place in the world, but for a child who spent their first nine years somewhere else, it’s going to take a long time for this to really feel like home.

When Noah was first home, I told him we were going to send him to Chinese class. Having two languages is such an amazing blessing, and adopted kids lose their first language at an alarming rate. We don’t want that to happen to him, so I had been talking to him about it and getting him used to the idea.

I’d brought it up several times, but this day I told him he would definitely start the next week. “But why?” he asked me. “Why do I need Chinese school? I am good at Chinese!” I explained, “But here, Dad and I don’t speak Chinese. Your brother and sisters don’t speak Chinese. Many kids who are adopted forget their Chinese, and we don’t want you to. We want you to keep it. So you will go to Chinese school.” This was the fourth or fifth time I’d explained this.

He looked at me so strangely then and said, “I don’t understand when you say this. You say this a lot. I think you are making fun of me. I AM Chinese. How can I forget to be Chinese?”

While he had misunderstood what I was saying, he had a good point. In Chinese culture, the language is a huge part of your fundamental identity. Having “good Chinese” made you Chinese, gave you honor, and reflected your place in society. Noah was saying, “If I am fundamentally Chinese, how can I ever forget who I am? How can I forget my fundamental identity?”

And yet, we forget our fundamental identity all the time. As Christians, we are Christ-followers and citizens of Heaven. The Bible tells us that we are transplants here, just as Noah has been transplanted to the U.S. This is not our home.

Phil. 3:20 (NIV) “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.”

We are foreigners in a foreign place. Even if we’ve lived somewhere our entire lives, it isn’t home. Home is with God. Our home is where He is. And the longings we have, that sense that something just isn’t right is our reminder that this isn’t it. We are looking forward to something much better, something greater, something that is coming, and that is our hope!

Hebrews 13:14 (NLT) “For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”

Or, as the Message puts it:

1 Peter 2:11 (MSG) “Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it.”

So often we get so comfortable in our culture that we can forget our fundamental identity. We get distracted or lulled into complacency. We can forget our first language, the language of God’s love and purpose for our lives.

As Noah’s mom, I pray that he will become more and more integrated into American culture, and that he will get comfortable and feel at home here. But I also pray that he will come to know the Lord and in that find his true identity, an identity that doesn’t depend on culture or status or location. An identity as a citizen of Heaven, a permanent and unshakable hope and belonging.

As we experience things here that are tough or counter to the Bible, I pray it makes us uncomfortable. I pray it makes us long for our true home, and that we always remember where that is. I pray that we will keep our true identity so forefront in our minds that our response will always be, “How could I forget who I am? I AM a Christ-follower!”

One of my favorites – Donna right after shaving her head for yet another go-round with cancer and trying on a new wig.

Not the best pic of me! But such a fun memory – down in NC for a couple events and getting to visit her wonderful friend Susan and get out on the boat!

Donna getting to meet one of her long-time favorites from Women of Faith, Thelma Wells, at a conference we were at together.

Nearly six years ago I was sitting with a friend at a coffee shop, telling her about a job with our ministry I was trying to fill. I said, “I don’t really expect to find someone with experience in this – it’s too unusual for this area. What I really need is a certain personality. If I had the right person, I could train them to do it.” She asked me what I was looking for. “Most important would be rock-solid faith in Christ – I don’t want them to be swayed when Christians aren’t kind. I also need someone who can talk to anyone and isn’t intimidated by that, a connector who loves people and meeting new people, and is also very organized and persistent and willing to travel.” My friend immediately said, “You need to meet Donna Klabunde!”

Things got busy and I was traveling, but a couple of months later I found myself at another coffee shop meeting Donna for the first time. She was lovely, and as we talked, I really felt like she was the right one for the job. At the end of our meeting I said, “I would love to hire you. What do you think?” And she said something I don’t think anyone would recommend saying in a job interview:

“Jennifer, this sounds wonderful, and I really think I could do a good job and would enjoy it. I would love to be back in ministry and I’m very excited! But I think you should know something about me before you hire me. I could die at any time.” It was such a shocking thing to say that it was almost funny, but then I realized she was perfectly serious. She’d had cancer for years. It was currently stable, but she didn’t want me to hire her without understanding the risks.

Donna’s first cancer was as a very young woman with a brand-new baby, her third, Hannah. It was a kind that was easily treatable, and while frightening, seemed to be over. Unfortunately, they now suspect that the treatment used at that time for that cancer caused others. When Hannah was in kindergarten, they discovered a very bad form of breast cancer, and it was Stage 4. Donna was given a few months to live. She asked the Lord if he would save her. Specifically she asked to see Hannah graduate from high school – she wanted to raise her children. The doctors offered her an experimental treatment, and because she was dying anyway, she tried it. It worked. It didn’t get the cancer out of her body completely, but it stopped it from growing. When I met her, she’d been living that way years longer than anyone had data for. But they had told her that one day her body would become resistant, and they would have to try something else.

Donna started working with me about five and a half years ago, and what a blessing she was! She became such a good friend as well as a co-worker, and she had a beautiful ministry of her own at all my events. Every time she was with me, I would find her after the concert or retreat talk praying with women who had cancer, or someone who was going through a hard time. She could light up a room, and she made friends everywhere we went. She just exuded God’s love, and people around her felt it!

She had a very different perspective, living with cancer the way she did. She said often when we would talk about her future and health, “Today, I’m healthy. Until the doctor tells me otherwise, I am healthy.” She could have lived in fear and doubt and worry and let them rob her of the miraculous extra 12 years the Lord gave her, but she didn’t. She lived every day of her life, and last year she got to see her Hannah graduate from high school and know that the Lord had said yes to that particular prayer.

Here are just a few of the many lessons I learned from my Donna:

The Lord is reliable. Donna had “the peace that passes understanding” (Phil 4:6). He met her every need, and His faithfulness to her was a truth she shared with everyone. He has promised us heaven, and He is reliable – she didn’t want to leave her family or suffer, but she was never worried about her future or whether God would supply what she needed. She knew He would.

Every day is a gift. As I said before, Donna didn’t waste her life. I have known people to get bad news about their health, and that is the end of it for them – they stop living and instead wait to die. That was never Donna. She lived every day, and she chose purposefully to see the good and find the fun in everything.

Love people intentionally. Donna had the best friend group I’d ever seen. I was (and still am!) a little jealous – her “posse” is an amazing group. At first I thought she was just blessed, but then I realized she had such a determination to love people intentionally. She didn’t hold onto her pride, she was always willing to be the first to reach out, she was thoughtful, and she was a great friend. I am often scared to reach out, but she taught me to be more fearless. She invested deeply in her friends, and also really listened and empathized with people she met. She made everyone feel special.

Don’t miss an opportunity. When Donna’s cancer came back again about a year and a half ago, it was a different kind and it was much worse. We knew it was going to be bad. But as we talked about it, she said, “I trust God. And you know what? I have met people I never would have without cancer. I am with medical personnel and other patients I would never know otherwise. Maybe God wants me to share with them – He is always working the bad stuff for good.”

Laugh often, and look for the good. Donna didn’t walk through life as a virtuous, suffering saint. She laughed hard and often. She looked for the good in all circumstances and in all people. She made fun of herself. She acted goofy. She said she had a choice in how she confronted hard things in life, and she chose laughter and joy.

Donna leaves a hole in my heart. Her family has become so dear to me because she never stopped talking about them! And I will continue to pray for Larry, Josh, Jon, and Hannah – I know how it feels to be missing someone so crucial. But I also know without a doubt that we will see Donna again. And if we had this much fun together on earth, it’s going to be simply amazing in heaven! I’m so glad she’s there and healed and whole, and Donna, we will see you soon.

Picture from 7/11 – the first one I felt comfortable sharing

Picture from July 15th with the Husky on his head – first real smile in a while!

Picture from July 18th – Hannah and Micah and friends with Toby and Noah and came to build with them. They visited every couple of days – so kind!

Picture from July 27 as we were all just killing time and hoping the effusion would stop so he could get his last chest tube out!

Pic from July 28th – we are sick of the hospital, but so appreciated the support!

Picture from Aug 1st – the first time Noah was free of lines since he got to the hospital on July 7th!!

Toby and Noah heading out for the first day of school – Noah made it!

Hi, all, I confess it was very hard to keep up with my blog while we were living in the hospital. I updated my Facebook the whole time, but I’ve heard from some people who are checking here, and thought I’d just put all those Facebook posts in one place – don’t know why I didn’t think of that before. So my Facebook posts are here and I added extra and new notes in italics. It’s super long, but then, so was the hospital stay!! If you’re brave enough to read a book, dive in!

7/7/16, 10:02 am
Noah’s been in surgery since a bit before 8. It takes a long time to get all the lines in, so the main surgery started around 9:30. The first lyric we heard when we turned the car on this morning to go to the hospital was “You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn.” Isn’t God good?!

I was so terrified. It is so hard to take your kid who looks pretty good and subject them to that, even though you know intellectually it’s for their good. He was so brave. Can you imagine how sweet it was to turn on the radio at 5:30 in the morning knowing what you were facing and hear that lyric?! Noah hated the meds they’d given him to relax him for the past surgeries, so he actually went in awake. I was able to come with him into the OR, but I had to leave him awake. It’s a very intimidating room – I can’t believe he did that, but he did, and he even told me he was fine and would see me later. “You have the hard part,” he said, “I get to sleep through it.” Wow.

4:11pm
Noah is out and recovering! We are back in the ICU with him. They said everything went really well, and his O2’s are already reading 95-98! He is in a pretty good amount of pain and I am very struck by the amount of monitoring on him, so we’d appreciate your continued prayers, but I am praising God that we are on this side of the surgery! Thank you all for praying and for your support! We really have been so touched. I will update again when we get out of ICU or if there’s something significant to say. 🙂

The ICU was impressive and sunny and much happier than I was expecting. Noah looked very scary. He had no color and so many tubes and lines – O2 monitors on his finger and head, oxygen in his nose, three chest tubes, 2 sets of lines through his chest to his heart in case they needed to shock him, 5 “stickers” and a box for the heart monitor, about a 12″ incision, arterial lines in his neck and wrist, IVs in both arms, catheter… more that I’m not remembering. But his monitor was reading 98 percent O2 sats when we came in and I never thought I’d see that number – his average before surgery was about 75. We have a dedicated nurse just for us, and have multiple dedicated doctors on this unit, and we feel as safe as we can feel. He was not awake at first, and then when he was I wished he wasn’t – he was in a lot of pain and wanted a drink so badly that he couldn’t have. Just so hard to see your kid like that, it makes me teary. One interesting thing – he woke up in English. We had an interpreter standing by in case he needed that with all the drugs in his system, but he woke up asking for water in English. Just amazing.

July 8, 1:41pm
Unbelievable (except for all the prayer!) but we have been released from the ICU! We’ve been in the step down unit for about an hour. He’s doing well medically, although struggling with pain and nausea quite a bit. Please pray that he can eat so they can see that his system is working and we might be able to get a couple of these chest tubes out – they are very uncomfortable. We’re going to try walking a few steps later tonight. Again, we just continue to thank you all for praying – it has totally touched our hearts!

Noah’s biggest problem at the beginning was balancing pain and sickness. The meds they gave him for pain made him ill and he was throwing up frequently which is obviously extremely painful and started the cycle again. They worked hard to find a balance for us, and once we could get him off the heaviest narcotics, things started looking up. But the first 3 days were extremely tough, and the first 5 were much harder than anything I’d done or expected to have to do with my kids.

July 9th, 5:59pm
Update for the day: Noah had a pretty good day and is definitely less sick – thank you for praying! He was even able to eat a few bites of real food for dinner which is a huge improvement. He’s still having a good bit of pain, and there are some concerns now about his lungs because breathing deeply is painful (moves his sternum) and there were some air pockets so they don’t want to pull his chest tubes as that could cause his lungs to collapse. Please pray with us for his breathing and comfort, but he’s a lot more like himself today and even watched a movie and talked to me during lunch, so it’s good to see our little guy coming back to himself some! Again, thank you so much for praying with us!

One thing that was really concerning Nathan and I was that after the surgery, Noah seemed to be in shock. Even after the anesthesia wore off and the heaviest drugs were out of his system, he would just stare at us and not respond when we talked to him, or if we asked him a question three or more times, we might get a one word answer. This is from a boy who never stops talking. I was getting quite worried – you think about oxygen deprivation from the bypass machine and things like that. But a few other adoptive heart moms (I’m connected on a Facebook page with them) told me this was pretty normal, especially since our kids have had trauma in the past, and this day, he started talking to us a little more and I was just relieved to see a bit of his personality re-emerge. It took about 5-6 days for me to feel like we really had our Noah back.

July 11th, 10:38am
This is a kiddo who’s starting to get his mojo back. 🙂 Down to one chest tube, got another one of his IVs out today, got a decent night’s sleep, and everything’s looking just a little bit brighter.

This was the first picture I felt I could post of Noah without disrespecting what he might want out there publicly. He had gotten most of his lines out – we were down to two IVs, one chest tube, heart telemetry, and an O2 on his finger, and he was feeling like he might survive. We were still worried about his lungs – hard to explain all the technical stuff, but they were worried about pneumonia and his lungs collapsing, and Noah had to do breathing treatments that really hurt him – it was tough, tough, tough.

July 12th, 12:12pm
Some good news and some bad news today. Good news is that Noah’s lungs look great now, so that is a blessing. Bad news is that his lymph system is freaking out a bit. So, this is not scary yet, but it is annoying because it means the chest tube is staying for quite some time, Noah’s on a special diet now, and we’re definitely in the hospital longer. The doctors tell us it’s unpredictable, but it could last a long time or turn off “like a switch” so I’m asking for prayer for that! We do not want to be here for weeks! Thanks!

So, apparently the procedure Noah had is done right on top of the main branch of the lymph system and this complication is pretty common after this procedure, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with it. He had what is called a chylothorax or chylous pleural effusion. It just means that his lymph system was leaking fat and fluid into his chest cavity. Again, this can collapse the lungs, so we needed his last chest tube to stay in until it stopped. They put him on an almost fat-free diet, the idea being that if the lymph system has less fat to process, it will be less stressed and heal faster, etc. So now, my kid who really misses Chinese food and doesn’t particularly like American food is on fat-free, diet, American, hospital food. You can imagine how that went over. We were told this would extend our stay, but sometimes it’s for a week or two and sometimes it can literally be months. That not knowing is hard to live with, especially with a kid who wants to know the plan. He just got a home, and he really wanted to go back to it.

July 15th, 2:08pm
Couldn’t really help but post this one – someone brought him a Husky, and somehow it got on his head! That kid is cute. 🙂 Not a lot to report except that things, while slow, are going in the right direction and so it’s just a waiting game. Hoping to have this chest tube out in a couple of days and then a couple more days to make sure his body adjusts to that and then we’ll see. But the little man is up and playing a lot more and just generally so much more comfortable! And the coffee’s not half bad, so I’m surviving too. 🙂

I was pretty optimistic at this point because his chest tube output numbers were falling. That stalled later, but on this day, one week out, Noah was starting to feel decent and wanted to play games and watch movies and we all just thought we’d be there another 5-7 days and it would be good.

July 17th, 1:05pm
Well, it’s day 11, and sadly, we are officially stalled over here. Noah has not had much progress with his lymph system, although it’s not getting worse either. We’ve also had a few concerning/confusing fevers and arrythmias, so it looks like we will be in the hospital for a while. He’s still doing well, and the doctors are not concerned, but he’s definitely getting a little sad about still being here and he’s bored. If you’d like to send Noah a card, you can do that through the hospital website and they will print and deliver it to him -http://www.nationwidechildrens.org/netapps/greetingcard… His unit is H4A. And please keep praying with us!

Noah kept having a low fever, just over 100, every 15 hours or so. Sometimes after trauma, kid’s bodies react strangely, and we thought that was all it was (and still do) but they are very on top of fevers because of the risk of infection. These were just low enough to not count apparently, and we learned to be thankful because the one time it got high enough we had people all over us, a very traumatic blood draw, and massive testing which all turned out fine but we didn’t want to do that again!

July 18th, 7:04pm
Just heard that upon review, Noah’s hospital is giving us an unlimited length-of-stay parking pass – this cannot be a good sign. Sigh. On the upside, though, friends and time in the hospital means you can make amazing Lego creations!

At this point, we are just waiting for the stupid chylous effusion to resolve. There’s really not much to report. We are living here, the other kids visit everyday, we’ve played a million games, done puzzles and built lots of Legos. Just hanging around waiting for the chest tube to come out!

July 21st, 12:35pm
Again, we come to you with some good and some bad news about Noah’s recovery and just appreciate you keeping him in your prayers! We’re on Day 15 after his open heart surgery. The good news is that his heart looks great, he’s feeling really good, off all pain meds, and just his chest tube is a little uncomfortable. The bad news is that he’s not progressing much toward getting this tube out, and we’ve heard some kids can be in here for a really long time with the complication Noah has with his lymph system. They have two potential things to try, one that is not so bad and will likely start tomorrow, and one that has a better chance of working but is really hard and potentially extremely difficult for him considering his history. Both treatments last a week or two and aren’t usually concurrent. If neither of those works, we may be looking at another surgery. Please pray for wisdom for the doctors, for Noah’s body to heal, and for patience as Noah really wants to go home now. Also, please pray for a little almost-three-year-old guy named Walker – we’ve gotten to know his family as we’ve been here, and he’s recovering from a heart transplant. They’ve been here 100 days today on this trip, and it sure puts things in perspective. Thanks!

This was super tough. We didn’t know how much to share because we didn’t know what was going to happen. The standard treatment for a chylous effusion that is not clearing is to take away all food and drink and just feed intravenously for two weeks. Since your stomach is still empty, though, you will be hungry. This sounded terrible. We don’t know a lot of Noah’s history but one thing I do know – you don’t take food away from an orphan. So often food is a major point of trauma for these kids with their histories, and I didn’t want to risk it, not to mention that that sounds really terrible just to be hungry for two weeks! The other potential treatment involved a new medication that had to be given through a pic line which is a hard procedure and also has a greater chance of infection and really didn’t have a lot of info on whether it was helpful or not, so we might just waste two weeks in the hospital trying that. And if neither of those worked, the only other option was to wait it out no matter how long it took, or do another smaller heart surgery which would undo some of what we had just done (again, very complicated) and see if that would help. We told them taking away food was sort of a last resort for us. All the doctors came back that afternoon and said that given his history and age, they wanted to take a day to research all possible options one more time. We continued to pray. The next day they told us they wanted to give him the weekend to see if anything changed on its own, and they scheduled him for his pic line on Monday.

Walker, by the way, was the sweetest little guy, and I got to know his mom pretty well. He was rejecting his new heart at this point and they had to kill his immune system to try to get it to reset. It was a scary and hard time for them, but I’m happy to say that it did work, and he was released from the hospital Aug. 17. He still has a long road ahead of him, but hopefully he’s through the hardest stuff on this go-round.

July 25th
Monday morning. We were scheduled for our pic line today, but after being completely stalled for two weeks, an amazing thing happened over the weekend – his numbers started to drop. I was actually afraid to post this, so I didn’t – we were afraid to hope. I did find his doctor this morning, though, and asked if they were willing to push the pic line to the next day just to see if the trend continued. It did – slowly, but it did. So they agreed to give us a few more days to see if it was just resolving on its own. Please, Lord!!

July 27th, 2:26pm
This is what happens when you’ve been in the hospital this long – the whole family moves in. 🙂 Rinnah’s playing Catan with Noah, Toby’s reading, and Rachel’s on the bed. Thank you so much for praying for us! I’ve been hesitant to post because things have been really hard to predict, but it finally seems to have turned in a good direction! We were set to get a pic line and start a new med this Monday, but over the weekend, he finally made some progress so they decided to put that on hold to see if it was a trend. So far, it looks like it is, and we are so happy to be in a better place! Still not sure how long it will take to resolve, but it is looking much more hopeful this week than it was, and we are thankful!

By this time, each day Noah’s numbers fell a little. They told us it had to be under 50ml from the chest tube to remove it, but since it was taking so long, our surgeon said he would be more comfortable getting under 40. No one wanted to have to put it back (us first in line on that statement!!) and if there’s too much fluid, it will collapse the lung. So we were waiting, and each day they just pushed the pic line back one more day.

July 28th, 11:36pm
Thanks to all the sweet people who have sent Noah cards – they have really brightened up our room! And Sweet Dreams for Kids sent Noah and his sibs PJs today – thank you! Our numbers are really good today and they even started talking through our exit plan, which is amazing. Noah had one pretty scary episode today with his breathing that may or may not set us back a bit (love for your continued prayers for his lungs/ air pockets, etc) so we are back on suction, but hoping that will resolve by morning. All things considered, we are way ahead of where we thought we’d be last week (this is so unpredictable, and sometimes goes on for months!), and we are pretty hopeful that we may get home early next week – we will see what God does!

This was a scary afternoon, and hard emotionally since they’d been talking about Noah going home in a few days just that morning. After lunch, Noah started crying and suddenly he was holding and hitting the left side of his chest and couldn’t breathe and I thought he was having a heart attack. We had a pretty peaceful stay overall, but you realize you’re on a heart floor at that moment – I yelled out the door (we were next to the nurses’ station) and had about 9 people in our room instantly with crash carts and the whole nine yards. It was very scary. When Noah started having pain and trouble breathing and then saw all the people running for him, I think he actually had a panic attack too, so it made it much worse. In the end, they decided it was actually pain from his scar and chest muscles that simulated a heart attack (the cardiologist on the floor said they see that with some frequency after surgery while everything is healing), and even after we got home we’ve seen that if he cries or laughs too hard, he will have a hard time breathing. It’s getting better over time, and they have tested everything and assure us it’s just the healing process. He knows it will get better now too, so he doesn’t panic in the same way which helps, but man, I don’t really want to do that ever again.

After that, he had to have had a bunch of tests including x-rays and they found he had air pockets in his lungs again. Having the chest tube in so long was starting to cause it’s own problems by then, but taking it out wasn’t an option yet, so he was put back on suction and that means he was tied to the bed again. Sigh. He was discouraged but he’s really been such a trooper.

July 29th
So, by now, we were having a little issue with our doctors who were starting to disagree. There’s a whole hierarchy of who makes decisions, etc, and there’s our surgeon and the floor cardiologist and our cardiologist and the cardiology fellow and on and on. We felt strongly that we wanted to be conservative because the last thing I wanted was to pull that chest tube too soon and have to put it back (that process is exactly as bad as it sounds, yes. It’s a large tube that they insert directly INTO YOUR CHEST. Not fun.). We’d had doctors who were very much in tune with this, and our surgeon was all about being conservative, but we’d gotten one new doctor who unfortunately out-ranked all the others on the floor who clearly wanted to pull the tube and get us out of there. We were close, but all of Noah’s numbers were still borderline. Our surgeon had the final say, but we usually only saw him for about 2 minutes at the end of the day after his surgeries, and the team was making their decisions at rounds that morning. I did not want them to decide to pull the tube that day before we saw our surgeon, and I really didn’t want it to be done over the weekend with none of our regular team there. I started praying about this.

That’s hard to put into words, and maybe hard to picture, but it was just such a direct answer to prayer for us! We wanted Noah to come home, but more than that we wanted him safe, and we just weren’t comfortable yet. I was so happy I didn’t have to fight with the doc!!

Aug 1st, 7:01pm
See that?! That’s a kid who is NOT ATTACHED TO ANYTHING!!! Yea! Chest tube out, telemetry off, O2 off, woot! And that’s not the best news – we had awesome numbers over the weekend, and if our x-rays today and tomorrow show that the air pockets have resolved with the chest tube out, they may, drum roll please, release us TOMORROW! Can hardly believe it! One week ago they were telling us to get ready for the long haul and we were hoping to make the opening of school with some really tough treatments. We didn’t have to do any of that! Now, just pray it doesn’t start again (that can happen) but whatever happens, God is good all the time, and we are thrilled that it looks like we are going HOME!!

Well, our prayers were answered over the weekend, and Noah’s numbers continued to drop steadily to the point that we knew it was as safe as we were going to get to remove that chest tube. It was going to take a while to heal because it had been there so long, but he was so thrilled!! And because we live locally, they said they would probably send us home the next day and let us come back for x-rays since that was what they were worried about – they needed to see if fluid was accumulating around his lungs. We were more than happy to bring him back as much as they wanted if it got us home!

Aug 2nd, 10:20pm
And yes, we are home! The boys are already playing, and the dogs had a field day with everyone in the house at once! And my lovely friend and sister Linda brought us dinner – I almost cried I was so happy not to figure that out. Passed out on the couch so hard I forgot where I was! They told us they let us go because we are local – we can bring him back for x-rays this week and next. Otherwise they would have kept us until Friday. But things continue to look good and we’re so extremely grateful to have the whole family together in one house again! Noah was so excited to get to sleep in his own bed! We offered to wake him up every two hours and squeeze his arm and take his temp and make beeping sounds at him, but oddly, he refused. 🙂

It was a super long day, but in the end we were allowed to go home! Noah was so excited to see his bed, and we were just thrilled to all be in the same house again! Nathan and I took turns sleeping at the hospital, so it was just nice to see him again for more than a high five as we switched cars! 27 days later, we were home.

August 22nd, 7:45pm
Awesome cardiology follow-up for Noah today! X-ray was totally clear, no evidence of pleural effusion, heart sounded good, and his scars are healing beautifully. What does this mean, you ask? It means: NO more special diet (which he hated), NO more x-rays for 3 months (unless we notice something), NO more restrictions on him physically, and, drum roll, yes, that boy is allowed to go swimming! So basically, we just treat him like a normal kid from now on unless something happens that tells us to change that. Yea!

Noah went for x-rays every couple days, then twice a week, then more, and each time the amount of fluid in his chest was less. Finally on 8/22 they gave us the all-clear. He was able to start school as planned on August 17th, and now they tell us we don’t have to go back for three months. He was very weak after being in the hospital so long, but every day he’s stronger, and he’s starting to realize what a huge difference his heart surgery is going to make in his life. I asked him if he noticed the other day and he said, “I’m never blue now (he would turn blue with exertion before). If I run, I can run and keep running!” Praise God!

Our family on Fourth of July weekend taking a short trip to Amish country before Noah’s surgery.

Half of Noah’s BIG family – my whole side on our weekend.

I’ve sat here all morning trying to figure out how to write about Noah’s surgery tomorrow and our feelings about that. We were matched with Noah 14 months ago and prayed for him every single day. I memorized his videos and started to fall in love with him before we even met. We met Noah exactly four months ago tomorrow. He walked into our lives looking shell-shocked and a little terrified and we were a little terrified too. Now he’s happy and laughing and this morning he told me that he loves his big family and America. This boy we had never met six months ago is my son. And I love him.

Tomorrow he’s having open heart surgery. When I picture what they have to do to him, I feel sick to my stomach. I know this is necessary for him to live, and I know it’s what’s best for him, and yet the thought of him having to go through that makes me break out in a cold sweat. I trust God, and I know this is what Noah needs, and I just wish there was another way.

I wonder, is this just the smallest glimpse of God’s feelings about sending His only Son to earth? He knew what was coming, and He knew that we would crucify His only Son. He knew it was what was best for us, that it was necessary for us to live, but I’m sure He wished there was another way.

We’ve started sharing the Gospel with Noah. His grasp of English has come so far, and he feels safe with us, so it feels like the right time to begin explaining what we believe. Noah comes from a background somewhere between atheism and vague Buddhism with some ancestor worship thrown in (a complicated prospect for a boy who has no information about his ancestors). He had no concept of Jesus before He met us. He accepted without question that we prayed, but when I explained that we were talking to God by doing that, he looked incredulous. Toby has a cube in their room that has the Gospel printed on it pictorially, and Noah brought it to me. Apparently he’d been looking at it and wanted to know what the paper said that was nailed to the cross over Jesus’ head. It is the charge against Jesus at His crucifixion: “This is Jesus, the King of the Jews.” I explained the Gospel to Noah and told him that Jesus was God. He looked at the picture of Jesus on the cross, and then waved toward it as he asked, “How can this be God?”

All the gods Noah has seen are made of gold. They sit in big temples. There are hundreds of them and you can follow them or not. They are revered, feared, cosseted, and powerful. But this One, this God, was a humbled man on a cross. One who died. One who was mocked and spit upon and beaten.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Is. 53:5

How could this be God? If He was God, why would He allow Himself to be treated this way? It doesn’t make sense!

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing,but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. I Cor. 1:18

In the wisdom of this world, powerful people save themselves. They demand respect. They would show their power by painting their world in gold and placing themselves above everyone else. But God has taught us a different way, and He has shown it to us with a different love.

… [Be the same as] Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross! Phil. 4:5b-8

Jesus came to earth to die for us. He came even though we didn’t deserve it, even though many mocked Him, spat on Him, brutalized Him. He came because it was best for us, because it was necessary for us to live. Sometimes life comes at a great cost.

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Roman 5:7-8

Tomorrow we will demonstrate our love for Noah by helping him through this surgery. It’s hard to look at him now, to all appearances healthy when he’s still, and know that we will cause such trauma to his little body. But we also know that his healthy appearance isn’t the truth, and that this trauma is necessary for a much greater good. In the same way, all of us try very hard to look “healthy” on the outside, but without Christ, that appearance isn’t the truth either – we need the sacrifice of Jesus to truly live.

I pray that one day Noah will know Christ. That he will love God as we do and know the truly life-saving power of the cross. I pray that for everyone on this earth. And tomorrow I will be praying that God will protect Noah as the surgeons give him the gift of a much healthier and longer life.

We have gotten many questions about Noah’s surgery. We would love your prayers for tomorrow!

Q: Can we come visit him in the hospital?
A: Do we know you? 🙂 Seriously, yes, after he is out of ICU, if you know Noah personally, text me and we will let you know if it’s a good time. Also, you will need a code to get on his floor. The boy will be very bored and will be allowed to move around and play by then, so don’t forget to bring a game and your sense of humor with you!

The cooked egg and starting the carrots

Carrots and onions

With the peas and corn

Adding in chicken (and egg not in picture)

What my rice looks like with the soy

The finished product!

One of the hardest things since Noah’s been home has been feeding him. He is not picky and loves every vegetable, but he misses Chinese food. You can tell he just doesn’t like a lot of the food here even though he’ll eat it. I’ve tried to make him things he’ll like, and we have Chinese grocery stores and things that help, but it’s a struggle – I’m a good cook, but I’m American and I don’t know how to make most of the things he’s used to.

One day I decided to make Noah fried rice. This is something I’ve made for a long time, and I was happy to find that it was very like the fried rice we had in China so I thought it would go over well.

I was prepping all the ingredients and he was watching me. He knew I was trying to make something Chinese-ish, so he was sure it was not going to be good. “Please, mom, please, don’t make me eat this. I no like this!” “Noah,” I said, “I watched you eat this every day for breakfast at the hotels while we were in China. I promise, you like this.” “No mom, I don’t! Please!” “Yes, Noah, you do, I promise. Wait and see.”

I put the egg in the pan and he said, “Oh, no, mom, no! No egg! Please, no egg!” and I said, “Noah, you like this, I promise.” He threw his hands in the air and wailed, “No!” (Did I mention that he’s got a little drama going on sometimes?)

I took the egg out and started cooking the onions and carrots. “Mom! Oh please! No onions! I no like onions! I don’t like this food!” “Noah,” I stated with my customary saintly patience, “I promise, you like this.” “No! I don’t!” “Yes, you do. I watched you eat it every day in China. You like this.” He held his head in despair.

Every single ingredient was met with disbelief or resigned sorrow. “I no like this food.” When I pulled out the soy sauce, he wailed, “This! Mom, I never had this! I know I no like this!” It was all I could do not to laugh. “Noah, I can promise you that after nine years in China, you have eaten soy sauce. I know you don’t believe me, but you are going to like this.”

By the time I started mixing everything together he was basically chanting, “I no like this. I no like this.” But there’s a moment when fried rice stops looking like separate ingredients and suddenly changes over and looks like fried rice. He just stared dumbfounded and then yelled, “Mom! I like this! I like this!” I died laughing – “Yes, I know.”

So why is this like our life in Christ?

How many times have we seen what is immediately before us and said, “No, God, please! Not the (metaphorical) egg! Whatever it is You are doing, I know I don’t like it!” And God answers, “I promise you, I am making something beautiful. We need this part to make it. Trust me, when it’s done, you’ll understand why this part is in your life.” And sometimes we listen and trust, but more often than not, we continue to complain or protest or moan and wonder why this particular thing has to happen. Why did this (insert anything here) have to be a part of my life?!

And yet, God has promised us that He is always working for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28). He is the great Redeemer (Job 19:25, Is 48:17), He makes all things new (Rev. 21:5), and He is in the business of giving us beauty for our ashes (Is. 61:3). When we look at the circumstances of our lives and something doesn’t make sense or looks like we would never like it, can we trust the Lord and instead look to Him with anticipation, waiting to see how He will use it to make something beautiful?

I know when I look back on my life, there are many times He took things in a direction that was unexpected and often unwelcome to me. How much time did I waste complaining? How much patience did the Lord need to use with me? He knows me better than I know myself, and many of my worst times are the very things I’ve seen Him use the most to make beauty in my life.

So now, every time you make fried rice, or eat fried rice, or just look at a scrambled egg, I hope it reminds you that God is an amazing chef. He knows how He’s going to put it all together in the end, and when we get there and see what He’s done, we’ll all be saying, “God! I didn’t know this was what You were doing! I like this! I like this!”

Since I know it will be asked, here’s my recipe. But I warn you, I am an artist – we are not good at coloring within the lines. I very rarely, if ever, measure anything (much to the despair of my husband who tells me lovingly that this is the reason I can’t die). So this is just a basic how-to, more of a method as it were that you can use to invent your own recipe. 🙂 This is a great way to use up any vegetable or meat in your house, so it’s always changing at ours, but here’s my basic go-to for fried rice.

Add a bit more oil if needed and the garlic for just a few seconds so it doesn’t burn and then put in the carrots. Stir fry for 2ish minutes until they are al dente, then add onions and cook until they are translucent and the carrots are soft-ish. Add peas and corn and stir fry until they are hot, about 1 minute, then add in the chicken and egg and stir to combine. Put the sticky rice on top (I usually have a little more meat and veggie than rice, like a 60/40 ratio) and pour soy sauce over it until about a third of it has been touched and start chopping it apart and stirring it in – you can always taste and add more soy sauce, and you know you have the right amount when the rice mostly stops sticking together and you have good soy flavor. Stir fry, scraping the bottom often, for a couple of minutes to get yummy crispy bits of rice, adding a good bit of salt and some pepper until you like the flavor. Toss in the sesame seeds if you have them. Voila! If you are like some of my friends, you love this kind of recipe, and if you are like all the others, you are now annoyed by my complete lack of measurements or good directions. Feel free to ask questions in the comments!! And enjoy. 🙂